Eulogy template: what to include and how to write one

A short note before you start

This guide is general information for the United States, not legal, tax, financial or medical advice. No agency regulates what a eulogy contains. The structure below reflects how funeral homes and public-speaking organizations actually teach eulogy writing, not a legal requirement.

What is a eulogy?

A eulogy is a short spoken tribute, usually delivered at a funeral, memorial service or celebration of life, reflecting who the person was rather than listing facts about their life. Toastmasters International puts it directly: "a eulogy should not be the chronology of a life but a tribute to it"².

That distinguishes it from a written obituary, a factual, published account of the person's life, and from a death notice, which is even shorter. The table below lays out the differences.

For more on the written side, including what to leave out for safety, see the obituary template guide.

Who should deliver the eulogy, and how many speakers should there be?

There is no rule about who is allowed to give a eulogy. Everplans notes that "family members, friends, clergy, and/or funeral conductors often give eulogies," and that in many faiths clergy deliver it themselves, often centering the person's faith rather than their secular accomplishments⁷. Some families choose one person to speak for everyone; others ask two or three, each representing a different part of the person's life, such as family, work and a faith community.

Decide roughly how long that part of the service should run before you settle on who speaks, since more speakers means each person needs a shorter eulogy. It is fine to ask someone not to speak, or to cover a specific topic, so the service does not run long. Anyone asked should be allowed to say no without pressure; delivering a eulogy is emotionally demanding.

Eulogy template: the structure to follow

Use this as a fill-in-the-blank starting point, drawn from how NFDA and Toastmasters International both teach the form, then adapt it to the person and the service.

1. Opening: State your name and relationship to the person. NFDA's guidance: "Start by mentioning your relationship to the deceased"¹.
2. The heart of the eulogy: Two or three stories that show, rather than tell, who the person was. AARP's advice is to trade a bland quality like generosity for a specific moment that shows it, since a concrete story about someone stays with listeners longer than an adjective does⁵.
3. What they meant to people: A line or two about their role in the family, a friendship, or a workplace, and what is left behind now.
4. Closing: A short, consoling line. NFDA's guidance: "End on a consoling and meaningful note"¹.

Step-by-step: how to write a eulogy

1. Decide whether you are the only speaker or one of several, and ask the funeral director, celebrant or officiant how much time you have. NFDA recommends 7 to 10 minutes for a sole speaker but only 2 to 5 minutes with 1 to 3 stories if others are also speaking¹.
2. Brainstorm before you draft. AARP suggests writing the person's name in a circle, then adding their outstanding qualities around it, and branching out from each with a specific memory or detail⁵.
3. Call two or three people who knew the person well and ask for one specific story each, especially if you want the eulogy to represent more than your own view of them.
4. Pick two or three stories, not a full biography, and draft the four sections above: opening, stories, what they meant to people, and a closing line. Toastmasters International recommends limiting a eulogy to a small number of main points rather than a chronological account².
5. Read the draft aloud and time it. If you are well over your target, cut a story rather than trimming every sentence a little; two vivid stories usually land better than five rushed ones.
6. Ask someone who cares about you to read it back and flag if it drifts too far into your own experience. Then practice out loud more than once, including the hardest lines, and decide in advance that it is fine to pause, cry, or read every word from notes.

How long should a eulogy be?

Recommendations vary slightly by source, but agree on the same rough range: a few minutes with several speakers, up to about ten minutes if you are the only one.

¹

If unsure, ask the funeral director or officiant how the service is structured and how much time is set aside for tributes. Reading your draft aloud with a timer is the most reliable way to know if you're close.

Does a eulogy cost anything?

Delivering your own eulogy is free. The one place it intersects with funeral pricing is when clergy or another officiant delivers it as part of officiating: the FTC's Funeral Rule lists "officiating clergy" honoraria as a "cash advance item," meaning the funeral home may pay that honorarium on your behalf and bill it back, alongside items like flowers, obituary notices and musicians⁶. The Rule requires the funeral home to disclose in writing if it adds its own fee on top, though not the amount of that markup⁶.

Some families instead hire an independent funeral celebrant or professional eulogy writer. These are independent contractors who set their own rates, so there is no set national price; ask directly for a quote.

How does this vary at VA national cemeteries and other federal services?

No state or federal law tells a family what a eulogy must contain, but federal regulation addresses who controls the service content at a VA national cemetery. Under 38 CFR § 38.619(c), VA "will respect and defer to the expressed wishes of the personal representative for the content and conduct of a committal or memorial service," covering who speaks and what is said, alongside the display of religious symbols and the choice of funeral honors providers (38 CFR § 38.619(c), checked 2026-09-21). In practice, the family decides whether there is a eulogy and who delivers it, within the time the cemetery allots.

Outside VA cemeteries, private funeral homes and houses of worship each set their own norms, so confirm the time allotted with whoever is running the service.

What to record in a family guide

Once a eulogy has been written and delivered, the useful record is not redoing the emotional work of writing it again. This is the kind of information a family guide keeps in one place: who spoke, a copy of the final text, any stories the person wanted included, and who might be a natural choice to speak if the person is planning ahead. If you are the one being planned for, note a few favorite memories or people you would want to hear from in your family guide, the same way a letter of instruction captures other wishes for the service, so whoever writes it is not starting from a blank page, the same problem the executor checklist addresses for the practical side of settling an estate.

Common mistakes

• Trying to cover an entire life. A eulogy is a tribute, not a biography; Toastmasters International warns against turning it into "the chronology of a life"².
• Staying too abstract. Saying someone was "kind" or "generous" without a story to back it up is the most common weak spot, according to AARP (checked 2026-09-21).
• Making it about the speaker. AARP's advice is to have someone review the draft and ask whether there is "too much of me in it"⁵.
• Not timing a practice read. Eulogies almost always run longer live than in a quiet room, once you account for pauses, emotion, and audience reaction.
• Not preparing for emotion. NFDA's guide is explicit that it is fine to cry and fine to read from notes rather than memorize¹.
• Writing alone at the last minute. Skipping calls to other people who knew the person often produces a flatter eulogy than one built from a few gathered stories.

Printable eulogy checklist

• Confirmed whether you are the only speaker or one of several

• Asked the funeral director, celebrant or officiant how much time is allotted

• Brainstormed the person's qualities and specific memories tied to each

• Called 2 to 3 people who knew the person well for their own stories

• Chosen 2 to 3 stories rather than a full biography

• Drafted opening, stories, what they meant to people, and a closing line

• Read the draft aloud and timed it against the target length

• Had someone else review the draft for tone and balance

• Practiced out loud more than once, including the hardest lines

• Printed a backup copy or brought notes

• Saved the final text for the family's records

When to get professional help

Most people write and deliver their own eulogy without outside help. Consider a funeral celebrant or professional eulogy writer when no one in the family feels able to write it, when the family cannot agree on tone, or when grief makes it hard to start. If public speaking itself is the barrier, it is fine to write the eulogy and have someone else, a friend, clergy member or the officiant, read it aloud. For grief support beyond the service itself, the National Institute on Aging's guidance on coping with grief and loss is a good starting point⁹. A grief counselor, not a eulogy writer, is the right resource if the loss itself feels unmanageable.