How to write a letter of instruction, and what to put in it

A short note before you start

This guide is general information for the United States, not legal, tax, financial or medical advice. A letter of instruction is a personal document, not a legal form, so there is no single required format. Where state law does matter, such as whether a handwritten note could be read as a will, check your state court's self-help probate site or ask an estate planning attorney.

What is a letter of instruction?

A letter of instruction is a plain-language document, written in your own words, that tells your executor and family what they need to settle your affairs and carry out your personal wishes. Ohio State University Extension's fact sheet describes it as a document that "can contain whatever you wish, and it can be typed or handwritten," with no attorney required¹.

It is sometimes called a "letter of last instructions," a "personal instruction letter," "notes for my executor," or a what my family needs to know list. All describe the same kind of document: a practical companion to your legal documents, not a legal document itself.

What a letter of instruction is not

• A will. It cannot leave property to anyone, name a guardian, or override a beneficiary form.
• A power of attorney. It gives no legal authority to act on your behalf, before or after death.
• A substitute for updating your accounts. Naming someone in the letter does not change who is on file with a bank or insurer.

Why a letter of instruction is not legally binding

No state requires a letter of instruction, and no court enforces one. Ohio State University Extension is direct about this: "there is no legal requirement for a letter of instruction, and it is not legally binding"¹. Nobody has to follow anything written in it.

In practice, families usually do follow it anyway, because it reflects the person's own words at a time when everyone else is uncertain what to do. The same guide observes that the "desire of the family to carry out the wishes of the deceased is so strong that the letter of instruction carries authority despite its lack of legal backing"¹. It works because it is trusted, not because it is enforceable.

It cannot override a beneficiary form

A retirement account, brokerage account, or life insurance policy passes to whoever is named on the beneficiary form on file with that company, regardless of what the will or letter of instruction says. FINRA puts it plainly for brokerage accounts: "a TOD plan or other beneficiary document supersedes your will"². To change who inherits an account, update the beneficiary form itself with the institution. Use the letter only to list where these accounts are and who the current beneficiaries are, so your family can check.

Do not accidentally write a will

Because a letter of instruction has no required format, it is tempting to write something like "I want Sarah to have my wedding ring." Be careful: handwritten, unwitnessed wills, known as holographic wills, are legally valid in roughly half of US states³. A letter that is entirely in your own handwriting, signed, and reads like a plan for who gets specific property could be mistaken for one of these; see holographic wills for which states recognize them. Keep specific bequests in your will, not the letter, and note at the top of the letter that it is "not a will and not intended to have legal effect."

Letter of instruction vs. will vs. power of attorney

What to include in a letter of instruction

Ohio State University Extension groups the contents into four broad categories: contact information, the location of important papers, asset information, and arrangements already made¹. Here is how that breaks down in practice.

People to contact

• Immediate family, close friends and clergy, with phone numbers
• Your executor, and a backup if the first choice cannot serve; see the executor checklist for what you are asking them to do
• Your estate attorney, financial advisor, accountant and insurance agent
• Your employer or former employer, for final pay and benefits
• Your funeral home, if you have already chosen one

Money and accounts

• Every bank, credit union, brokerage and retirement account, with the institution name and account type (not the login)
• Named beneficiaries on retirement accounts, brokerage accounts and life insurance, since these forms control regardless of the will²; see the beneficiary designations checklist
• Recurring bills and subscriptions your family will need to cancel or continue
• Outstanding debts: mortgage, car loan, credit cards, medical bills
• Safe deposit box location, and where the key is kept
• Any account the family might lose track of: dormant funds are turned over to the state, not lost, and can be searched free at unclaimed.org¹¹

Where documents are kept

• Location of the original will, trust documents and any letters testamentary already issued
• Location of deeds, vehicle titles, insurance policies and past tax returns; see where to keep important documents for how to organize these
• Birth certificate, marriage certificate, divorce decree, military discharge papers (DD-214)

Digital life

List the accounts that matter, without writing down the passwords themselves⁵. For each major provider, note whether you have set up a legacy tool:

• Apple: a Legacy Contact, added in Settings under Sign-In & Security, can later request photos, messages, notes and device backups⁶
• Google: Inactive Account Manager lets you name up to 10 people to receive selected data after a period of inactivity you choose⁷
• Where your password manager is, and who has emergency access
• Domains, loyalty points and any cryptocurrency wallets

The digital legacy checklist covers all ten categories in depth; note that even a court-appointed executor generally cannot get message content from a provider without your advance written consent⁸.

Pets

Note who has agreed to take each pet, their vet's contact information, medications, feeding routine and temperament, so care does not stall while the family is in shock.

Personal wishes and messages

• Funeral or memorial preferences: burial or cremation, readings, music, who to invite. Two-thirds of Americans say sharing funeral wishes matters, yet only about one in five have done so⁹
• Anatomical or organ donation wishes, if not already recorded elsewhere
• What powers of attorney and health care directives you have signed, and where the originals are
• Short personal messages to family; save anything longer and more reflective for a separate keepsake letter, since this document is meant to be scanned quickly

How to structure the letter

A letter of instruction reads better as labeled sections than as a single narrative:

1. Opening note. What this document is, that it is not a will, and where the actual will is kept.
2. Contacts. Family, executor, professionals, funeral home.
3. Money and accounts. Institutions, account types, beneficiaries, debts.
4. Documents. Where each original and copy is stored.
5. Digital life. Accounts, legacy tool status, password manager location.
6. Property and pets. Real estate, vehicles, valuables, pet care.
7. Personal wishes. Funeral preferences, organ donation, any messages.
8. When to get help. Names and numbers of your attorney and accountant.

Write each section as a short list rather than full sentences; your executor needs to scan this under pressure, not study it.

Letter of instruction template

Copy these labeled headings into a blank document and fill in what applies to you; leave a heading marked "not applicable" rather than deleting it.

LETTER OF INSTRUCTION - Written by: [name] - Date: [date] (not a will, no legal effect)
Will is kept: [location]

CONTACTS: family, executor + backup, attorney, accountant, advisor, funeral home [names, phones]
MONEY AND ACCOUNTS: bank/brokerage/retirement accounts [institution, type], named beneficiaries, bills, debts, safe deposit box [bank, key location]
DOCUMENTS: will/trust/letters testamentary, deeds/titles/policies/tax returns, birth/marriage/divorce/military records [locations]
DIGITAL LIFE: password manager [location], Apple Legacy Contact set up [yes/no], Google Inactive Account Manager set up [yes/no], other accounts that matter
PROPERTY AND PETS: real estate/vehicles [location], valuables, pet care instructions and vet contact
PERSONAL WISHES: funeral/memorial preferences, organ donation, POA/health directive locations, messages to family
WHEN TO GET HELP: attorney and accountant [names, phones]

Where to keep it

Keep the letter with your other estate planning documents, not locked away where only you can reach it. Give a copy, or tell the location, to your executor and at least one trusted family member. Because it changes more often than a will, many people keep the original will with an attorney but keep the letter of instruction somewhere they can update it themselves, and note in the will's paperwork where to find it. See where to keep important documents for how to weigh a home safe, a bank box, and digital storage.

Don't lock the only copy in a safe deposit box

A safe deposit box is a poor home for the letter itself. The CFPB's planning guide for older adults advises that you "make a list of the locations of your safe-deposit boxes, including where the keys to the safe-deposit boxes are located" and share it in advance⁴; keep the letter itself somewhere reachable immediately, such as a home fireproof safe.

How a family guide plays this role

A letter of instruction and a family guide solve the same problem: turning what is in your head into something your family can use. A letter of instruction is usually a single document you write once and revise by hand. A generated family guide, such as the one Omliva helps you build by answering questions over time, organizes the same information (contacts, accounts, documents, digital life, pets, wishes) into a structured, large-type guide that stays current as your answers change. See your guide for how that works.

When to get professional help

Writing the letter itself does not require a lawyer. Bring in an estate planning attorney if you are unsure whether something belongs in the will instead of the letter, or if you live in a state that recognizes holographic wills and worry a family member could argue your letter was meant to be one. Bring in a financial advisor if you are not sure which accounts have named beneficiaries at all. Bring in a CPA if the letter needs to reference significant tax records or business interests.