Funeral planning checklist: decisions, costs and what to write down

A short note before you start

This checklist is general information for the United States, not legal or financial advice. Funeral and prepaid-plan rules vary by state, so confirm details with your state funeral board, local Funeral Consumers Alliance affiliate, or an attorney before signing a contract.

Two situations, one checklist

Planning ahead for yourself

You are deciding what you want, learning what it costs, and writing it down where your family will find it. The FTC advises: "Put your preferences in writing, give copies to family members and your attorney, and keep a copy in a handy place. Don't designate your preferences in your will, because a will often is not found or read until after the funeral"¹. The FCA notes planning ahead brings "Significant cost savings, quite possibly cutting funeral costs by half"⁸.

Arranging a funeral this week

Before deciding anything, look for a written wishes document, a prepaid contract, a cemetery deed, or the wishes section of a family guide. AARP advises: "Talk with a surviving spouse or review the paperwork to determine whether there was a prepaid burial plan"¹⁷. If nothing is written down, work through the decisions table below with one or two family members.

Your rights under the FTC Funeral Rule

The Funeral Rule is a federal regulation, enforced by the FTC, that applies to every funeral provider in the country. Rights the FTC lists include¹:

• "Get price information on the telephone." No visit or personal details required.
• "Get a written, itemized price list when you visit a funeral home." The General Price List, yours to keep.
• "See a written casket price list before you see the actual caskets," and a separate outer burial container price list.
• "Receive a written statement after you decide what you want, and before you pay."
• "Buy only the funeral arrangements you want." No packages. The basic services fee is the one exception, "the only non-declinable fee allowed for services, facilities, or unallocated overhead"².
• "Provide the funeral home with a casket or urn you buy elsewhere," with no handling fee.
• "Use an 'alternative container' instead of a casket for cremation."
• "Make funeral arrangements without embalming." A public viewing after several days is usually when a funeral home asks for it.

The rule does not require prices online yet; a 2022 FTC review remains open, with no final amendment issued as of this update⁵,¹.

Burial, cremation, green burial or body donation

Conventional burial

The 2023 NFDA median for a funeral with viewing and burial was $8,300: the funeral home's part only, from the basic services fee through casket, viewing, ceremony and hearse. It excludes the plot, opening and closing, and a marker. The median vault added $1,695, for $9,995 total⁶. Vaults aren't required by law, but many cemeteries require one; ask first.

Cremation

The 2023 NFDA median for a funeral with viewing and cremation was $6,280, including the cremation fee, an alternative container and an urn⁶. Direct cremation, with no viewing or ceremony, is the lowest-cost option on most price lists; a memorial can be held anywhere, later.

Green burial

The Green Burial Council defines it as an approach that "prioritizes placing the body directly in the Earth, forgoing embalming, and using biodegradable materials." Its FAQ notes "There is no law requiring embalming for viewing or requiring a vault for burial"¹⁰. NFDA's 2025 survey found 61.4% of consumers interested in green options, up from 55.7% in 2021⁶. Note the specific cemetery; not every conventional cemetery allows it.

Whole-body donation

Donation to medical education or research is usually free to the family. Science Care, a large for-profit program, says that once accepted it "is a no-cost option that includes transportation, cremation, the return of cremated remains and filing of the death certificate," but "Registration in the Science Care program does not guarantee acceptance"¹². Bodies can be declined at death, so every donor plan needs a written backup, usually direct cremation.

Paying for it

Pre-need contracts and prepaid plans

A pre-need contract is a purchase from one funeral home, paid now and delivered later. The FTC suggests asking: "What happens to the money you've prepaid?" and "Are you protected if the firm you dealt with goes out of business?"¹. The FCA warns: "If you cancel, move or change your plan, you may not receive a full refund"⁸. If you prepay, keep the itemized contract, confirm the money is held in trust or insurance in your name, and give a copy to whoever will make the call. See our prepaid funeral plans guide for contract terms to check before signing.

A payable-on-death account instead

The FCA's preferred alternative is a payable-on-death bank account for the person who will handle arrangements: "You deposit in a bank enough money to cover the current price of a funeral, then let the accumulated interest cover any cost increase"⁸. The money stays yours, is insured, moves with you, and passes without probate; one drawback is Medicaid counts it as an asset, unlike an irrevocable prepaid contract.

Veterans' benefits

Eligible veterans, and usually spouses and dependent children, can be buried in a VA national cemetery at no cost, as summarized above. For private burials the VA pays burial and plot allowances; for qualifying non-service-connected deaths on or after October 1, 2025 each is $1,002, more for service-connected deaths, filed within 2 years of burial¹³. Our veterans death benefits checklist guide covers the full range of benefits, including survivor pensions.

Social Security and other help

The $255 lump-sum death payment goes to a spouse who lived with the person or, if none, an eligible child, claimed within 2 years¹⁶. The funeral home usually reports the death, but AARP notes "ultimately, it's the survivors' responsibility to ensure the SSA is informed"¹⁷.

What to decide and write down

Disposition and the service

Burial, cremation, green burial or donation, with a backup if donation is declined. Cemetery or place for ashes, and any plot already owned. Viewing or not, open or closed casket, embalming yes or no. Funeral, memorial, graveside only, or no service. Religious or secular, the officiant, the venue.

People, music and words

Who speaks, and who shouldn't have to. Pallbearers. Three to five pieces of music, with the versions you mean. Readings or prayers. Flowers or donations, and to whom. Dress, photographs to display, anything buried or cremated with you.

The obituary information sheet

Full legal name and other names used; date and place of birth; parents' names; schools and degrees; military branch and years; career in two sentences; marriages with dates; children, grandchildren and siblings with spellings; memberships, faith community, awards; causes you cared about; where to announce the service; the photograph to use and where it's stored. Our obituary template guide has a fill-in-the-blank version.

Where the paperwork is

The will, any prepaid contract or cemetery deed, the DD-214, life insurance policies, the Social Security number, and the people to call, with numbers. The wishes section of a family guide, such as the one Omliva helps families build, holds everything on this page in one place.

Decisions table

Who decides if the family disagrees?

Every state sets a default order for who has the legal right to control disposition, and anyone can override that default by naming someone in writing. The FCA notes "The power to name a designated agent for body disposition is honored in all states," through a notarized declaration, a health care power of attorney, or a will; the exact form required varies by state⁹. Where no one is named, states typically default to the spouse or domestic partner, then adult children, then parents, then siblings, though details differ.

In every state above, a written designation signed while the person was alive outranks these defaults. If people of equal priority disagree, most states require a majority to decide; a probate or elder law attorney can point you to your state's exact statute in one call.

Who to notify

Day one: the funeral home or donation program, immediate family, faith leader, employer. First week: Social Security (confirm the funeral home reported it), life insurers, pension plan, bank, landlord or HOA. After that the executor handles estate notifications; see the executor checklist. Order certified death certificates through the funeral home; AARP suggests "Get up to 10 or more copies of the death certificate" since most institutions keep the one you send¹⁷. Extra copies come from the state or county vital records office listed in the CDC's "Where to Write for Vital Records" directory¹⁹.

The week of a death, step by step

1. Confirm the death is pronounced and who is taking the body.
2. Find the wishes document, prepaid contract, cemetery deed or donation registration; if a registered body donor, call the program first since it handles transport and timing.
3. Call two or three funeral homes for prices by phone.
4. Visit one, get the General Price List, and choose line by line, declining what you don't want.
5. Decide on embalming and viewing; refrigeration works if the service is within a few days.
6. Get the written itemized statement before paying, checked against the price list.
7. Order 10 or more death certificates and give the funeral director the Social Security number; confirm later the death was reported.
8. Write the obituary from the information sheet and choose the photograph.
9. Book the venue, officiant and musicians; for a veteran, call the National Cemetery Scheduling Office at 800-535-1117¹³.
10. Settle who pays and keep every receipt for the estate, the VA and SSA.

When to get professional help

Most funerals need no lawyer. Contact your state funeral board or attorney general, or file an FTC complaint, if a funeral home refuses to give prices, charges for a casket you supplied, or embalms without permission. Get advice before signing a large prepaid contract, and before spending down assets for Medicaid, where irrevocable funeral trusts have specific rules. If the family disagrees about disposition, every state has a law ranking who decides, shown above; a probate attorney can give you the exact statute in one call.